This time of year can be very difficult for many people. As the Christmas season approaches and another year comes to an end, we think of family and all that has transpired over the past year. This can bring fond memories and gives us much to be thankful for, or it can bring a great deal of sadness and regret.
To share a little of my personal story, I am a middle aged single woman who has been divorced over 20 years. I never had children, and as I age and reflect on my life, I feel deep sadness for missing out on something I always wanted – motherhood. I spent this past weekend with my sister, her husband, her two children and their spouses, my two brothers and their significant others. I have not felt this way before, yet this year I walked away with a profound sense of loss and sadness. It wasn’t anything done by anyone in my family to cause these feelings, it’s just that I walked away with the realization I am not immediate family to anyone.
My brothers and my sister have families of their own, even if just a significant other. No matter what, I am not anyone’s first or most significant other.
The thing is, I know I am abundantly and extravagantly blessed. I have amazing friends, many who are also single and childless. Yet this year more than ever, I feel a void in my life. I long to feel loved, cherished, and significant in someone’s life. Maybe I feel this way because I allowed myself to hope and dream this year as I grew close to a very special friend and felt so very loved and cared for. When our connection and correspondence ended, I was left with a very distinct feelings of what I would like to experience again with a man. I sense the loss of his kindness and affection at a much deeper level than I ever expected, and I still struggle to understand.
I also lost a sweet dear friend. Jean was a developmentally disabled senior citizen who I visited on a regular basis over the past 17 years. My friendship and visits meant the world to her, and her sweet friendship made a difference in my life. She passed away four months ago. The loss of these two significant people has left me feeling lonely and sad as the year comes to an end.
I know God loves me and is watching over me. I know His plans for my life have not changed. I know what He has in store for the coming year is above and beyond all I could even dream to ask, yet right here today, I feel very lonely and insignificant.
Maybe God is using this to soften my heart to the many others who feel their loneliness intensify at the Christmas season. I am driven to pray and reach out to anyone who feels empty, alone, or filled with regret. Somehow praying for others always helps shift my mood and perspective, and I am grateful God has given me a heart for intercessory prayer.
As this holiday season is in full swing and the year is coming to a close, my wish and prayer for you is to feel the incredible and extravagant love God has for you, you feel His loving arms wrapping around you, and you know your life matters and you are significant. Be blessed!~♡
Great song and great reminder we don’t have to suffer alone in silence… Share your burdens and cast your cares on Jesus because He cares for you! (1 Peter 5:7)