So many intense feelings lately! They crash over me with such intensity, I feel off-balance most of the time. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I find myself sharing at such a deeply intense level, I make people uncomfortable. I feel them shifting and gracefully finding an out so they no longer need to witness or hear my raw, unfiltered self.
Through all of this, I am being drawn closer to You. I feel how intensely You want to connect with me at this new level. I have felt You shifting my relationship from Papa God, to You, Jesus, my Beloved, the lover of my soul. I have written about this, I have talked about this, and this word was confirmed in today’s message at church.
I feel You beside me, and I feel myself yielding to You, to your presence. I am learning to listen to Your still small voice and become comfortable following where I feel and see You leading me.
This is all so new and it is a little unsettling. But I have been settled too long. I have been settling for too long. I want You to lead me in every action and every word I speak. I know I won’t be perfect, I know I will fall short, and I know You know this, but You love me anyway. You just want to hear me say these words. “I want to follow You, I want You to lead me.”
I am very tired my Love Jesus. I want to go to sleep and feel you watching over me. I want to dream about You. I want You to speak to me in my dreams and tell me where You want me to go next, where our next adventure is. Where You wish me to go so we can be together in reaching out to all who are lost, lonely, forgotten. I want to dream about how much You love me and desire me, and want me walking so closely with You, I never feel alone or like I don’t belong.
Goodnight my sweet Jesus! I love You! ~ Amen!